I AM
"You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level."~~ Stillness Speaks by Eckart Tolle
I woke this morning singing, "I am, I said. I am, said I" by Neil Diamond. I didn't really remember the rest of the lyrics but the message to me was strong and brought me peace.
The past week had been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Reading the story of the events of the past year as a cohesive whole brought up so many emotions. I had the sense that my life shattered into a thousand pieces like some jigsaw puzzle on the day of the attack. Nothing made sense as I had known it. No matter how much I wanted to "get to the other side" it was a process that would take a lot of time and attention. Inspecting the pieces and seeing how they fit together. Slowly sharing the story over a period of 6 months gave me the opportunity to look at many pieces that I wanted to avoid at first glance. Seeing the pictures, reading the police report, talking with the neighbors that came to my aid. All pieces that ever so slowly began to fit together and form a new picture of "Life" for me.
Now, I have gained a very solid sense of who I AM at the deepest level. I no longer trust anyone else's judgment of who I AM. I am neither diminished by disapproval nor am I enhanced by the approval of another. I am always and forever, Becky.
I woke this morning singing, "I am, I said. I am, said I" by Neil Diamond. I didn't really remember the rest of the lyrics but the message to me was strong and brought me peace.
The past week had been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Reading the story of the events of the past year as a cohesive whole brought up so many emotions. I had the sense that my life shattered into a thousand pieces like some jigsaw puzzle on the day of the attack. Nothing made sense as I had known it. No matter how much I wanted to "get to the other side" it was a process that would take a lot of time and attention. Inspecting the pieces and seeing how they fit together. Slowly sharing the story over a period of 6 months gave me the opportunity to look at many pieces that I wanted to avoid at first glance. Seeing the pictures, reading the police report, talking with the neighbors that came to my aid. All pieces that ever so slowly began to fit together and form a new picture of "Life" for me.
Now, I have gained a very solid sense of who I AM at the deepest level. I no longer trust anyone else's judgment of who I AM. I am neither diminished by disapproval nor am I enhanced by the approval of another. I am always and forever, Becky.
posted by Becky Spellman Waltz at 6:41 PM
3 Comments:
"i am,i said,i am said i"
thats the way becky..........
be true too yourself its a good feeling.........opens all sorts of doors in life
you are and always will be "becky".............thats so true!
power on girl :-)
roundjohn
Ms. Spellman,
pleas please never feel alone or lonley. your courage has touched me in a way that I cant explaine. You are an example of what is really true in this world, the heart and goodness. And enjoy that new grandbaby, he will grow-up so loved and blessed to be a part of a family that has it all. And again thank you for sharing your story with strangers you truly have a wonderful spirit and you give so much to others just being YOU. xoxo lac
Becky,
I attend your church. You and I never really got to know each other that well, but I did get a chance to chat with you on some occasions. I actually used to attend the aerobics class that you and Erin taught. Do you remember? Anyways, I am struggling with this same topic right now in my life. I really admire you for sharing your thoughts and feelings about this, and just so you know, it helps me to know that I am not the only one struggling. So, Thank You for all of your courage, and strength throughout this entire thing. You are a brave woman, and I will continue to read your website, for more insight on your life, and how you can help mine. Thank you Becky....
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