My Sentencing Statement
Since referring to the sentencing statement in my last journal post, I have decided to share my statement. It is a window into a place that is sacred...
December 8, 2004
How do I begin to express my feelings about what has happened and the person that chose to hurt me this way? I thought that I knew you. Obviously I knew only the image that you wanted to project to me and everyone else. I thought that you were a strong, quiet, sensitive and dignified man. I thought that you cared about people and wanted to make a positive impact on this world. I thought that you loved me. At least, this is what you reassured me right up until 2 days before you held me down, covered me in acid and burned me literally from the top of my head to my feet. Now I am left to make sense of this event and this man that I thought that I knew for 13 years.
I have always looked for the best in people and that included you. I built you up and was your biggest fan. I was loyal and faithful to you always. Unfortunately our marriage wasn’t built on equal giving. You withheld not only money but also your heart. After 10 years of marriage, I was worn out of trying to keep love alive in our relationship. I was willing to quietly go our separate ways. You could keep all of the money that was so important to you. You could keep your "Christian" image and I wouldn’t dispute it. I asked for nothing from you. Certainly, I never deserved this.
You have broken my heart. I have never known such utter betrayal. You said to me, "My love for you is limitless" and then held me down and tortured me without so much as a look of concern in your eyes. I begged you to stop and to tell me why you wanted to kill me. I looked into your face and never saw a moment of anger or fear or horror at what you were doing to me. You showed me no compassion during or after the attack. I later learned that you calmly watched as neighbors tried to save me as I fought for my life. I have been shown more empathy and genuine compassion from strangers than from this man who declared his so-called limitless love for me. Now I know that you obviously never loved me. Love couldn’t do this. I couldn’t treat an animal the way that you treated me. I don’t know how long it will take to put the pieces of my heart back together or when I won’t feel the pain of this betrayal anymore.
You have devastated my body. I haven’t known a day or even a moment without pain since the attack. The pain that I have endured is beyond comprehension. The weeks in the hospital are a blur of excruciating pain and surgeries and 2 hour dressing changes that included literally scrubbing off my skin as it died. Every day was filled with torturous pain.
I’m left wondering, "How could Bill do this to me?" Not only am I shocked that you could come up with such a horrendous act but the thought that you would carry it out is beyond my comprehension. When you were dreaming up this horrible scheme, did you ever stop and think about anyone besides yourself? Did you ever consider the pain that I would endure?
Did you care even a little about not only the physical pain but the heartbreak that you would cause for me and everyone that loves me? Did you think about your children and your grandchildren? One thing that I know for certain about you; you are a very deliberate person. You think about every detail before you do anything. The thought that you actually deliberated and carefully considered your plan and then carried it out without concern for anyone else tells me what a truly self-centered, heartless and cruel man that you are. And that thought makes me profoundly sad. Sad for me; sad for everyone that has suffered with me because they love me; sad for everyone that loves you; but most of all, I’m sad for you.
I’m sad because you have thrown your life away. By your own admission, your life was spent very concerned with your image. You worked hard to become a lawyer and were a loyal employee of Roadway for many years. You took care of your body by working out faithfully, watching what you ate and always dressing meticulously. You appeared to be a proud father and grandfather. You were faithful to your church and did so much volunteer work. Do you think for one moment that you will be remembered for those things? From now on, when someone hears the name, Bill Slabaugh, they will think of the day that you held down your wife and covered her in acid that you bought on the internet. Everything that you have ever said or done will be weighed against the fact that you could so heartlessly harm another human being. What a sad waste you have made of your life.
Now, having said all of that, there is one more thing that I want you to know. You may have broken my heart and devastated my body but you did not touch my spirit. This spirit; the real Becky, remains strong and unscathed. This would be the part of me that you obviously never knew. I wrote a quote in my journal 4 years before this happened. It said, "I am a strong and resilient woman. I will let nothing fill me with fear and derail my life." That is as true today as it was 4 years ago and maybe even truer. The people that really know me and truly love me have surrounded me with their support. I have been utterly amazed and eternally grateful for the genuine love and compassion of people, some of whom I’ve never met but nonetheless have opened their hearts to me. My face and my body may be damaged but my spirit is strong and free and you have not stopped love from coming to me. Because true love sees the real beauty within and will not be withheld because of scars and I’ve really never wanted any other kind of love anyway.
So, it may be true that you have hurt me deeply and left scars within as well as on the outside. However, I want you to know that I will move forward and I will have a wonderful and full life ahead of me surrounded by the beauty of this world and the love of the people in it.
December 8, 2004
How do I begin to express my feelings about what has happened and the person that chose to hurt me this way? I thought that I knew you. Obviously I knew only the image that you wanted to project to me and everyone else. I thought that you were a strong, quiet, sensitive and dignified man. I thought that you cared about people and wanted to make a positive impact on this world. I thought that you loved me. At least, this is what you reassured me right up until 2 days before you held me down, covered me in acid and burned me literally from the top of my head to my feet. Now I am left to make sense of this event and this man that I thought that I knew for 13 years.
I have always looked for the best in people and that included you. I built you up and was your biggest fan. I was loyal and faithful to you always. Unfortunately our marriage wasn’t built on equal giving. You withheld not only money but also your heart. After 10 years of marriage, I was worn out of trying to keep love alive in our relationship. I was willing to quietly go our separate ways. You could keep all of the money that was so important to you. You could keep your "Christian" image and I wouldn’t dispute it. I asked for nothing from you. Certainly, I never deserved this.
You have broken my heart. I have never known such utter betrayal. You said to me, "My love for you is limitless" and then held me down and tortured me without so much as a look of concern in your eyes. I begged you to stop and to tell me why you wanted to kill me. I looked into your face and never saw a moment of anger or fear or horror at what you were doing to me. You showed me no compassion during or after the attack. I later learned that you calmly watched as neighbors tried to save me as I fought for my life. I have been shown more empathy and genuine compassion from strangers than from this man who declared his so-called limitless love for me. Now I know that you obviously never loved me. Love couldn’t do this. I couldn’t treat an animal the way that you treated me. I don’t know how long it will take to put the pieces of my heart back together or when I won’t feel the pain of this betrayal anymore.
You have devastated my body. I haven’t known a day or even a moment without pain since the attack. The pain that I have endured is beyond comprehension. The weeks in the hospital are a blur of excruciating pain and surgeries and 2 hour dressing changes that included literally scrubbing off my skin as it died. Every day was filled with torturous pain.
I’m left wondering, "How could Bill do this to me?" Not only am I shocked that you could come up with such a horrendous act but the thought that you would carry it out is beyond my comprehension. When you were dreaming up this horrible scheme, did you ever stop and think about anyone besides yourself? Did you ever consider the pain that I would endure?
Did you care even a little about not only the physical pain but the heartbreak that you would cause for me and everyone that loves me? Did you think about your children and your grandchildren? One thing that I know for certain about you; you are a very deliberate person. You think about every detail before you do anything. The thought that you actually deliberated and carefully considered your plan and then carried it out without concern for anyone else tells me what a truly self-centered, heartless and cruel man that you are. And that thought makes me profoundly sad. Sad for me; sad for everyone that has suffered with me because they love me; sad for everyone that loves you; but most of all, I’m sad for you.
I’m sad because you have thrown your life away. By your own admission, your life was spent very concerned with your image. You worked hard to become a lawyer and were a loyal employee of Roadway for many years. You took care of your body by working out faithfully, watching what you ate and always dressing meticulously. You appeared to be a proud father and grandfather. You were faithful to your church and did so much volunteer work. Do you think for one moment that you will be remembered for those things? From now on, when someone hears the name, Bill Slabaugh, they will think of the day that you held down your wife and covered her in acid that you bought on the internet. Everything that you have ever said or done will be weighed against the fact that you could so heartlessly harm another human being. What a sad waste you have made of your life.
Now, having said all of that, there is one more thing that I want you to know. You may have broken my heart and devastated my body but you did not touch my spirit. This spirit; the real Becky, remains strong and unscathed. This would be the part of me that you obviously never knew. I wrote a quote in my journal 4 years before this happened. It said, "I am a strong and resilient woman. I will let nothing fill me with fear and derail my life." That is as true today as it was 4 years ago and maybe even truer. The people that really know me and truly love me have surrounded me with their support. I have been utterly amazed and eternally grateful for the genuine love and compassion of people, some of whom I’ve never met but nonetheless have opened their hearts to me. My face and my body may be damaged but my spirit is strong and free and you have not stopped love from coming to me. Because true love sees the real beauty within and will not be withheld because of scars and I’ve really never wanted any other kind of love anyway.
So, it may be true that you have hurt me deeply and left scars within as well as on the outside. However, I want you to know that I will move forward and I will have a wonderful and full life ahead of me surrounded by the beauty of this world and the love of the people in it.
posted by Becky Spellman Waltz at 7:53 AM
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