I Exist as I Am

"I exist as I am, that is enough,
If no other in the world be aware I sit content,
And if each and all be aware I sit content.

One world is aware and by far the largest to me, and that is myself,
And whether I come to my own to-day or in ten thousand or ten million years,
I can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness I can wait...

I am the poet of the Body and I am the poet of the Soul,
The pleasures of heaven are with me and the pains of hell are with me,
The first I graft and increase upon myself, the latter I translate into a new tongue."
~ from Song of Myself by Walt Whitman

My son, Jeremy, and his wife, Carey are in town to visit this week. Jeremy turned 30 on May 12th so I threw a small party to celebrate his life and the love that we have for him. Seeing the man that he has become is so wonderful. He is a talented artist and has accomplished much in his few years since graduating from college. His move to California was a wise choice and has given him many opportunities to grow in his field. I am proud of his many accomplishments but, most of all, I am thrilled with the loving man that he has become.
Jeremy was a sensitive and contemplative little guy. As a small child, he was extremely cautious but very bright and witty. I still see many of the same qualities in my son but they have now expanded to include a man that will take a risk when it is needed and has learned that his wit needs to be tempered to consider the impact that our words may have on others. Jeremy is utterly devoted to Carey and supports her whole-heartedly. In my darkest hours after the attack, he stood by me and upheld me both literally and figuratively. In other words, he has grown into a very good man. He is solid and true and loves his family and friends without conditions or expectations. I am so grateful for all that he brings into my life, our family and this world.
Today, I am writing these words to my son. I want him to know that he is cherished not for what he does, but for who he is. I am remembering with him that existing as we are is enough. We can expand and grow through the experiences of this life but all we are really doing is becoming more of who we were created to be. Acceptance of our unique place in this world gently transforms us into our highest calling- a unique expression of God extending Love to our world.

Perfect Imperfection

"Your less evolved areas have a right to be. They whisper of things past. They whisper of confusion, of unfulfillment and of the pain of the soul separated from its God and the longing for that Oneness again...
To strive for Light is a beautiful calling but you cannot find the Light until you acknowledge the darkness. Souls who strive in perfect yearning are as close to perfection as anyone in human form can be...
Who demands perfection? Only you souls who are locked in human form believe somehow that perfection is the requirement. It is not. The requirement is sincerity, and open heart. That is the perfection that is demanded- the perfect longing."
~ Emmanuel's Book

At times I feel overcome with joy at the beauty of this world and the people in it. I have a sense of belonging and connection to family and dear friends that makes my heart swell. In other words, I feel blessed.
But, sometimes, the dark cloud of sadness and frustration overwhelms me. Mounting medical bills and the obvious changes to my face and body leave me feeling angry and ugly. I hate these times!! I want to crawl into a hole and not come out until I am in a better place. It is easy to share my joy but the pain is so much more difficult. I think, "It's been almost 2 years. Why am I not over this yet?!?"
I want to be whole. I want to be free. I want to be a Light in this world, a source of Love. I want my sadness to be turned into joy and my anger into Love. I'm not there yet but maybe my longing is as close as I can come to perfection.