Losing My Foundation
"My foundation was rocked; my tried and true way to deal was to vanish."~~ At That Particular Time by Alanis Morissette
For nearly a year after the attack I tried desperately to get my life back. I attacked every obstacle that stood in the way at break-neck speed. I was determined to show the doctors and nurses that I was ready to go home from the hospital before I actually felt ready. Once home, I worked on my criminal, civil and divorce cases with frequent e-mails and phone calls. I worked out tirelessly to get back mobility and strength. I got back to work in 4 months instead of the 1 year that was projected. I sold and packed up my former home a month and a half after leaving the hospital and moved into my own condo on New Year's Day, less than 6 months after the attack. None of this went smoothly or easily; everything was a tremendous struggle but I forged ahead and slowly began to lose steam. Ten months of scrapping and fighting and frequently losing the battle, I was exhausted and felt that I didn't have the strength to go on.
It was then that the words to Alanis' song hit home, all the way to the core. I was desperately trying to get back what was lost forever. Life as I knew it was gone for good. My foundational beliefs about how it worked was to vanish. The ways that I had learned to deal with life and people no longer made sense, yet I didn't know any other way. It was then that the light began to dawn. I had the wonderful and profound opportunity to begin again. I got a "do over", a fresh start full of new beginnings. I remember learning years ago that they purposely do controlled burns in a forest to promote new and healthy growth. And so it is with me, the parts that no longer served me were burned away to make way for new Life.
For nearly a year after the attack I tried desperately to get my life back. I attacked every obstacle that stood in the way at break-neck speed. I was determined to show the doctors and nurses that I was ready to go home from the hospital before I actually felt ready. Once home, I worked on my criminal, civil and divorce cases with frequent e-mails and phone calls. I worked out tirelessly to get back mobility and strength. I got back to work in 4 months instead of the 1 year that was projected. I sold and packed up my former home a month and a half after leaving the hospital and moved into my own condo on New Year's Day, less than 6 months after the attack. None of this went smoothly or easily; everything was a tremendous struggle but I forged ahead and slowly began to lose steam. Ten months of scrapping and fighting and frequently losing the battle, I was exhausted and felt that I didn't have the strength to go on.
It was then that the words to Alanis' song hit home, all the way to the core. I was desperately trying to get back what was lost forever. Life as I knew it was gone for good. My foundational beliefs about how it worked was to vanish. The ways that I had learned to deal with life and people no longer made sense, yet I didn't know any other way. It was then that the light began to dawn. I had the wonderful and profound opportunity to begin again. I got a "do over", a fresh start full of new beginnings. I remember learning years ago that they purposely do controlled burns in a forest to promote new and healthy growth. And so it is with me, the parts that no longer served me were burned away to make way for new Life.
posted by Becky Spellman Waltz at 4:55 AM
1 Comments:
Dear Patti,
I want to share a quote from Eckhart Tolle. "Even within the seemingly most unacceptable and painful situation is concealed a deeper good, and within every disaster is contained the seed of grace... Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world."
That is the wonder of it all.
Blessings to you,
Becky
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