Cosmos Out of Chaos
"In your inmost heart there is a sanctuary. Love will open the door of it. In your inmost thought there is a hidden tower. Faith will lead you into it. Christ is your secret sanctuary and your inward tower of strength...
Christ is the upward urge. Christ is the love that creates a cosmos out of chaos. Christ is the light that always overcomes the dark. Christ is the life that bursts the bonds of old fears and seeks to fulfill itself in ever more joyous ways."
~The Land Is Bright by James Dillet Freeman
About five weeks after the attack, I was in a place of deep despair. It felt as if the world's light had gone out. I had finally looked into the mirror and seen the extent of my injuries and couldn't believe that was my face looking back at me. My days were filled with painful treatments: 2 hour tubbings to scrub away the dead tissue, IV medications that burned my veins, painful therapy sessions, and forcing myself to eat enormous quantities so that I could finally have my feeding tube removed. My family would visit and try to lift my spirits but even their visits were exhausting. I could see the sorrow in their eyes and wanted desperately to help them but I couldn't even help myself. It was truly my darkest hour.
Each day, I would watch the clock with anticipation for time to send my children home so that I could stop working so hard to prove that I was okay. I would then turn on the television and watch anything light that would take me away from my pain momentarily. On one such night, as I lay in my bed watching TV, I glanced out the window at the sky. It was the deepest midnight blue, the stars were particularly bright and the haunting music from a Volkswagen Toureg commercial was playing in the background. I will probably never fully understand what happened next but in an instant I was transported to a place of the deepest peace I have ever known. The bonds of despair were instantly broken. Love had opened the door of my heart and miraculously transformed my chaos into cosmos. Light overcame the darkness and despair turned to joy. I felt the expanse of the Universe touch my soul and I was reborn.
It was the beginning of my healing.
Christ is the upward urge. Christ is the love that creates a cosmos out of chaos. Christ is the light that always overcomes the dark. Christ is the life that bursts the bonds of old fears and seeks to fulfill itself in ever more joyous ways."
~The Land Is Bright by James Dillet Freeman
About five weeks after the attack, I was in a place of deep despair. It felt as if the world's light had gone out. I had finally looked into the mirror and seen the extent of my injuries and couldn't believe that was my face looking back at me. My days were filled with painful treatments: 2 hour tubbings to scrub away the dead tissue, IV medications that burned my veins, painful therapy sessions, and forcing myself to eat enormous quantities so that I could finally have my feeding tube removed. My family would visit and try to lift my spirits but even their visits were exhausting. I could see the sorrow in their eyes and wanted desperately to help them but I couldn't even help myself. It was truly my darkest hour.
Each day, I would watch the clock with anticipation for time to send my children home so that I could stop working so hard to prove that I was okay. I would then turn on the television and watch anything light that would take me away from my pain momentarily. On one such night, as I lay in my bed watching TV, I glanced out the window at the sky. It was the deepest midnight blue, the stars were particularly bright and the haunting music from a Volkswagen Toureg commercial was playing in the background. I will probably never fully understand what happened next but in an instant I was transported to a place of the deepest peace I have ever known. The bonds of despair were instantly broken. Love had opened the door of my heart and miraculously transformed my chaos into cosmos. Light overcame the darkness and despair turned to joy. I felt the expanse of the Universe touch my soul and I was reborn.
It was the beginning of my healing.
posted by Becky Spellman Waltz at 11:15 PM
1 Comments:
Becky,
Keep your dreams and spirits alive!! The best things come to you!!
Angela :)
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