The Dark Cottage
"The soul's dark cottage batter'd and decay'd.
Lets in new light through chinks that time has made.
Stronger by weakness, wiser men become.
As they draw near to their eternal home."~ Edmund Waller
Yesterday marked the 3 year anniversary of the attack. The last 2 weeks have left me exhausted and feeling quite batter'd and decay'd. I have been plagued with dreams of Bill and found myself reliving painful memories that had, until recently, seemed to be fading. Why now?!? I thought that I had made such progress. I am always striving to move forward... to learn and grow and become better because of what happened. Where have I gone wrong?
In May, I went to California and spent time with my son and his precious wife, Carey. I marvel at the loving respect and appreciation that they have for each other. They have taught me what a loving marriage and true "oneness" means. I'm so grateful...
In June, I spent 2 weeks fishing and relaxing in Michigan with my dearest friend. The smell of cedar and earth; the beauty of pink sunsets on lakes as smooth as glass; the amazing sound of quiet stillness... It fed my soul.
In July, I started a new job at Rockynol Retirement Community after leaving my job of 10 years at Heather Knoll. It is another part of moving forward with Life.
So, here I am with all of these wonderful things happening in my life and I am feeling overwhelmed with sadness. How is this possible and when will it end? As I lamented my current state this morning, my dear friend Bob said, "You will never be nearer to perfection than you are at this moment." It was then that I remembered that truth is only found now. It doesn't matter where I wish to be or feel that I should be. The only thing that saves me is accepting the reality of where I am right now.
The last 2 weeks were spent feeling overwhelmed by the darkness that I had so hoped was gone for good. But the instant that I accepted the reality of where I am at this moment, the light began to shine through the chinks that time has made to make me stronger by weakness and draw me nearer to Eternity. Amen.
Lets in new light through chinks that time has made.
Stronger by weakness, wiser men become.
As they draw near to their eternal home."~ Edmund Waller
Yesterday marked the 3 year anniversary of the attack. The last 2 weeks have left me exhausted and feeling quite batter'd and decay'd. I have been plagued with dreams of Bill and found myself reliving painful memories that had, until recently, seemed to be fading. Why now?!? I thought that I had made such progress. I am always striving to move forward... to learn and grow and become better because of what happened. Where have I gone wrong?
In May, I went to California and spent time with my son and his precious wife, Carey. I marvel at the loving respect and appreciation that they have for each other. They have taught me what a loving marriage and true "oneness" means. I'm so grateful...
In June, I spent 2 weeks fishing and relaxing in Michigan with my dearest friend. The smell of cedar and earth; the beauty of pink sunsets on lakes as smooth as glass; the amazing sound of quiet stillness... It fed my soul.
In July, I started a new job at Rockynol Retirement Community after leaving my job of 10 years at Heather Knoll. It is another part of moving forward with Life.
So, here I am with all of these wonderful things happening in my life and I am feeling overwhelmed with sadness. How is this possible and when will it end? As I lamented my current state this morning, my dear friend Bob said, "You will never be nearer to perfection than you are at this moment." It was then that I remembered that truth is only found now. It doesn't matter where I wish to be or feel that I should be. The only thing that saves me is accepting the reality of where I am right now.
The last 2 weeks were spent feeling overwhelmed by the darkness that I had so hoped was gone for good. But the instant that I accepted the reality of where I am at this moment, the light began to shine through the chinks that time has made to make me stronger by weakness and draw me nearer to Eternity. Amen.
posted by Becky Spellman Waltz at 8:06 PM
2 Comments:
I've just read some of your posts and they are truly insighful, thought provoking and beautiful. The reason that I came across your website is that I was searching for material to use in my religions class that I am taking. With your permission, I would like to use some of your writing to pass on to my fellow staff at the hospice house that I work in. Some of your writing will be a great inspiration to them. Also, I would like to thank you for reuniting me with Rilke, I often forget that author's brillant writing.
Peace,
Carol
Dear Carol,
Thank you for your comment. It has been a very long time since I last posted so I am not sure if you are still wondering about using some of my writings for your class. My intention was always to share in the hope that it might help others. If you still believe that it could be useful, by all means use anything that speaks to you.
Bless you,
Becky
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