V-Day Campaign Speech
On February 20, 2008, I was invited to attend the celebration of the 10th anniversary of V-Day. It is a national campaign to raise awareness of the quest to end violence against women and girls. The award winning documentary, Until the Violence Stops, was shown at the Akron Summit County Library. The film chronicles how Eve Ensler's, The Vagina Monologues, grew into V-Day.
As honored guest, I was asked to share a few words about my experiences. Deb Lemire than asked that I post them on my website. My desire and intent has been, and will continue to be, sharing anything that might help others in the hope that good may come. I want to express my support of Until the Violence Stops: Northeast Ohio. You can visit them online @ UTVSNEO.ORG to learn what they are doing to "Change the story of women."
"Thank you for the honor of sharing the Women Central Project V-Day campaign to end violence against women and girls. We are all here because of our desire to see a world free of violence and our belief that it is possible.
Let me begin by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of 3 grown children and, as of 2 days ago, I am a grandmother of 4. My daughters are very close and like to share the important events in life including their pregnancies. Their first children are 2 years old, born 4 months apart. This time their planning was precise enough to bless our family with 2 beautiful little girls 4 days apart! Of course, I am not only a mother and a grandmother, I am also a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a friend. I am a registered nurse, a massage therapist, an avid reader and lover of nature. I am also the survivor of domestic violence. Yet none of these roles and experiences define me nor truly express who Becky is. I believe that each of us are containers of the divine expressed uniquely in our individuality. We are the sum total of life’s experiences and much much more. A friend once shared a quote with me that I have never forgotten. It goes something like this, "Within each of us is that place in which we are... Forever unceasing, Forever sane, Forever wholesome, Forever in unconditional cherishment of all living things." Tonight, I hope to remember, with you, who we really are.
On a sunny day in July of 2004, I went to my home to prepare it to list on the market as I was in the process of a divorce. My marriage had been cold and loveless for many years and I believed that it was best for us to go our separate ways. My former husband had another idea in mind. As I worked quietly in the basement packing boxes and separating our belongings, Bill came up behind me, grabbed me by the hair and sprayed me square in the face with what felt like liquid fire. In an instant, I knew that I was fighting for my life as I struggled to stay upright so that I could get away. However, he did successfully overpower me and wrestled me to the floor kneeling behind me on my shoulders so that I could only move my head and legs. He proceeded to methodically spray me from head to toe with what I later learned was nitric acid to ensure that, in his words, no one would ever want me. I spent the next 2 months in the burn unit of Akron Children’s Hospital with burns over 50% of my body. In a moment, my life was forever changed.
As I contemplated coming here tonight, I wrestled with what I might say to give a message of hope. I decided to share with you the next chapter of my story and tell you about life after violence. A message grounded in the reality that violence deals a devastating blow to the victim, everyone that loves her, and it doesn’t stop there. We are all affected by violence, some more intimately than others. For some of us, our homes are not safe havens, our homes are the place of fear and pain. I’ve wondered, what will make a difference? How can we overcome an obstacle as big and ugly as violence? I have concluded that the answer begins with genuine honesty rooted in gritty reality. Let me explain why I believe that healing will only come through this kind of truth.
While I was in the hospital, My daughter in law gave me a book on CD called Healing the Pain Body by Eckhart Tolle. One day, I was laying on my bed feeling utterly exhausted after months of pain for which I could find no relief. I remembered the CD from Carey and decided to see if it had anything to say that might help. According to Tolle, we suffer from pain not so much because of the pain itself, but rather because we resist it and shrink away from it. He believes that relief will only come when we become fully present with our pain. Although Tolle was talking about emotional pain, it instantly struck a chord in me as I connected it with what I have learned in massage therapy. When a muscle is in painful spasm, the treatment involves finding the "trigger point" which is the deepest point of pain, holding steady pressure there while bringing the full attention of the client and therapist on that precise point of pain. As we bring our loving presence to that place, we literally breathe health back into that muscle. So I tested it that day by laying very still and giving my complete and absolute presence to the part of my body that cried out for attention. I noticed how strong the desire for avoidance was but I remain focused, embraced that place, and slowly I began to feel the pain diminish. It’s not magic, it is simply the way to healing.
I have learned that this does not only work for sore muscles. It works for broken hearts and devastated lives as well. As I lay on my basement floor begging Bill to tell me why he wanted to kill me, it felt as if my heart shattered into a million pieces. This was followed by months spent in a hospital bed where the pain was, at times, unbearable. A month after the attack I looked into a mirror at a face that was gruesome and unrecognizable. It seemed that my life was a giant jigsaw puzzle that had fallen onto the floor as all of the pieces of Becky scattered and lay jumbled there. I had lost my innocent belief that Life would take care of Becky and couldn’t imagine how I was going to put my life back together again. Looking at my precious grandchildren, I am convinced that we are all born utterly trusting that this world will take care of our need for love and safety. It is our painful experiences that wound us and rob us of that innocent trust.
Before the attack, I was fearless. I didn’t know that there was anything to fear. Since the attack, there are times when I see danger around every corner. According to Mark Twain, courage is the not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of fear. Slowly, I am learning to master fear by listening to a heart that remembers all too vividly what terror feels like. I must not avoid the truth that I am not the fearless woman that I once was. Today, I will take measures to protect myself with an awareness that bad things can and, sometimes, do happen.
Before the attack, I never saw myself as an angry person and was often described as always smiling. Now I know what searing anger feels like which I often describe as the roaring lion in my chest and I have to admit that Becky is capable of rage. But in so doing, anger has become a companion that propels me into action as it fights for what is right.
Before the attack, I was optimistic and always tried to look on the bright side. Now I am well acquainted with the dark pit of despair as grief threatens to overwhelm me. But, I have learned to befriend my broken heart, to listen to what she has to say and give her a voice. I stay with me until I’m done crying and, sometimes, that can take an awfully long time. But in time, the waves of grief finally recede and, once again, I see hope on the horizon.
You see, it is not the power of positive thinking that has saved me. Instead, it is the power of allowing myself to see truth in its entirety and only then can I give it a voice. Bringing our loving presence to the unclaimed parts of who we are heals us, expands us and makes us whole. I may now know that I am capable of fear and rage but I have also experienced levels of peace and inner stillness beyond what I could have imagined. Although my heart has been broken, ultimately it has softened me and taught me compassion. At times, it almost seems that before the attack I experienced life in black and white and now I live it in technicolor.
The simple yet profound truth is that as we honestly look at what is real, with our eyes wide open, we will begin the process of healing whether we are talking about an individual or a society. We must not hide the truth from ourselves or others. We must teach our children that keeping secrets isolates and dis-empowers us but speaking our truth will most certainly unite us. Today, let us set our sight on the horizon, remember who we really are and together walk toward the hope of a world free of violence."
As honored guest, I was asked to share a few words about my experiences. Deb Lemire than asked that I post them on my website. My desire and intent has been, and will continue to be, sharing anything that might help others in the hope that good may come. I want to express my support of Until the Violence Stops: Northeast Ohio. You can visit them online @ UTVSNEO.ORG to learn what they are doing to "Change the story of women."
The Women Central Project V-Day Campaign Speech
"Thank you for the honor of sharing the Women Central Project V-Day campaign to end violence against women and girls. We are all here because of our desire to see a world free of violence and our belief that it is possible.
Let me begin by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of 3 grown children and, as of 2 days ago, I am a grandmother of 4. My daughters are very close and like to share the important events in life including their pregnancies. Their first children are 2 years old, born 4 months apart. This time their planning was precise enough to bless our family with 2 beautiful little girls 4 days apart! Of course, I am not only a mother and a grandmother, I am also a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a friend. I am a registered nurse, a massage therapist, an avid reader and lover of nature. I am also the survivor of domestic violence. Yet none of these roles and experiences define me nor truly express who Becky is. I believe that each of us are containers of the divine expressed uniquely in our individuality. We are the sum total of life’s experiences and much much more. A friend once shared a quote with me that I have never forgotten. It goes something like this, "Within each of us is that place in which we are... Forever unceasing, Forever sane, Forever wholesome, Forever in unconditional cherishment of all living things." Tonight, I hope to remember, with you, who we really are.
On a sunny day in July of 2004, I went to my home to prepare it to list on the market as I was in the process of a divorce. My marriage had been cold and loveless for many years and I believed that it was best for us to go our separate ways. My former husband had another idea in mind. As I worked quietly in the basement packing boxes and separating our belongings, Bill came up behind me, grabbed me by the hair and sprayed me square in the face with what felt like liquid fire. In an instant, I knew that I was fighting for my life as I struggled to stay upright so that I could get away. However, he did successfully overpower me and wrestled me to the floor kneeling behind me on my shoulders so that I could only move my head and legs. He proceeded to methodically spray me from head to toe with what I later learned was nitric acid to ensure that, in his words, no one would ever want me. I spent the next 2 months in the burn unit of Akron Children’s Hospital with burns over 50% of my body. In a moment, my life was forever changed.
As I contemplated coming here tonight, I wrestled with what I might say to give a message of hope. I decided to share with you the next chapter of my story and tell you about life after violence. A message grounded in the reality that violence deals a devastating blow to the victim, everyone that loves her, and it doesn’t stop there. We are all affected by violence, some more intimately than others. For some of us, our homes are not safe havens, our homes are the place of fear and pain. I’ve wondered, what will make a difference? How can we overcome an obstacle as big and ugly as violence? I have concluded that the answer begins with genuine honesty rooted in gritty reality. Let me explain why I believe that healing will only come through this kind of truth.
While I was in the hospital, My daughter in law gave me a book on CD called Healing the Pain Body by Eckhart Tolle. One day, I was laying on my bed feeling utterly exhausted after months of pain for which I could find no relief. I remembered the CD from Carey and decided to see if it had anything to say that might help. According to Tolle, we suffer from pain not so much because of the pain itself, but rather because we resist it and shrink away from it. He believes that relief will only come when we become fully present with our pain. Although Tolle was talking about emotional pain, it instantly struck a chord in me as I connected it with what I have learned in massage therapy. When a muscle is in painful spasm, the treatment involves finding the "trigger point" which is the deepest point of pain, holding steady pressure there while bringing the full attention of the client and therapist on that precise point of pain. As we bring our loving presence to that place, we literally breathe health back into that muscle. So I tested it that day by laying very still and giving my complete and absolute presence to the part of my body that cried out for attention. I noticed how strong the desire for avoidance was but I remain focused, embraced that place, and slowly I began to feel the pain diminish. It’s not magic, it is simply the way to healing.
I have learned that this does not only work for sore muscles. It works for broken hearts and devastated lives as well. As I lay on my basement floor begging Bill to tell me why he wanted to kill me, it felt as if my heart shattered into a million pieces. This was followed by months spent in a hospital bed where the pain was, at times, unbearable. A month after the attack I looked into a mirror at a face that was gruesome and unrecognizable. It seemed that my life was a giant jigsaw puzzle that had fallen onto the floor as all of the pieces of Becky scattered and lay jumbled there. I had lost my innocent belief that Life would take care of Becky and couldn’t imagine how I was going to put my life back together again. Looking at my precious grandchildren, I am convinced that we are all born utterly trusting that this world will take care of our need for love and safety. It is our painful experiences that wound us and rob us of that innocent trust.
Before the attack, I was fearless. I didn’t know that there was anything to fear. Since the attack, there are times when I see danger around every corner. According to Mark Twain, courage is the not the absence of fear, it is the mastery of fear. Slowly, I am learning to master fear by listening to a heart that remembers all too vividly what terror feels like. I must not avoid the truth that I am not the fearless woman that I once was. Today, I will take measures to protect myself with an awareness that bad things can and, sometimes, do happen.
Before the attack, I never saw myself as an angry person and was often described as always smiling. Now I know what searing anger feels like which I often describe as the roaring lion in my chest and I have to admit that Becky is capable of rage. But in so doing, anger has become a companion that propels me into action as it fights for what is right.
Before the attack, I was optimistic and always tried to look on the bright side. Now I am well acquainted with the dark pit of despair as grief threatens to overwhelm me. But, I have learned to befriend my broken heart, to listen to what she has to say and give her a voice. I stay with me until I’m done crying and, sometimes, that can take an awfully long time. But in time, the waves of grief finally recede and, once again, I see hope on the horizon.
You see, it is not the power of positive thinking that has saved me. Instead, it is the power of allowing myself to see truth in its entirety and only then can I give it a voice. Bringing our loving presence to the unclaimed parts of who we are heals us, expands us and makes us whole. I may now know that I am capable of fear and rage but I have also experienced levels of peace and inner stillness beyond what I could have imagined. Although my heart has been broken, ultimately it has softened me and taught me compassion. At times, it almost seems that before the attack I experienced life in black and white and now I live it in technicolor.
The simple yet profound truth is that as we honestly look at what is real, with our eyes wide open, we will begin the process of healing whether we are talking about an individual or a society. We must not hide the truth from ourselves or others. We must teach our children that keeping secrets isolates and dis-empowers us but speaking our truth will most certainly unite us. Today, let us set our sight on the horizon, remember who we really are and together walk toward the hope of a world free of violence."
posted by Becky Spellman Waltz at 1:53 PM
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